That time the Priest Brothers put me in the hot seat

I arrive to find them already in my living room.

Saxon leans against the wall, his broad shoulders slightly hunched as his gaze remains fixed on the TV.

Guy sits sprawled on the couch, thighs spread, his big hand gently stroking Athena’s fur. My eyes narrow on my dog but, nope, she doesn’t seem the least bit concerned that she’s never met him before.

Met any of them before, actually.

And there, straight ahead, is Damien perched on a stool at my bar. The sole of his boot is propped on the metal rung, his hand a fist that’s planted on his raised knee. At the sound of the front door closing behind me, hot blue eyes lift from Zeus, who’s curled up at his feet, to zero in on me.

Did someone shut off the air?

Good Lord, it is hot in here.

“Who let y’all in?” I ask.

A familiar head pops out of the hallway. “Yeah,” Mr. Luis says with a grin, “that’d be me.”

And then he’s gone again.

I toe off my sneakers and round the side of the couch. Aware that all three brothers are watching me, I sit with my back straight and ankles crossed. “I didn’t expect y’all for another hour. My notes are—”

“We thought we could interview you.”

Startled, I stare at Guy. “What? But that’s not how . . . I mean, that’s not exactly how this works, you know? I’m the one who—”

“Rules are meant to be broken, aren’t they?” Damien’s smile is slow, merciless. “And the two of us, Maria . . . We need to have a little talk.”

Oh. Shit.

Immediately, I squirm. Avert my gaze to Saxon who, at least, I’ve interviewed before. We’re friends, right? Buddies? Chums? The way his green eyes move over my face without a single quirk of his scarred mouth tells me that I’ve committed the ultimate cardinal sin in his eyes.

Friendship over.

Oh, boy.

“Listen,” I say, throwing up my hands, “if this has anything to do with what happened the other day, I promise that you’re going to get it all, okay?” I meet Damien’s gaze. “I was tired. Just a wee bit exhausted while I was writing your very special moment, and—”

“You didn’t let him come, Maria.”

There’s an edge to Guy’s voice that has me wincing. “It wasn’t . . . intentional.”

Damien’s boot hits my wood floor, and I swear it shudders. Or maybe that’s me shuddering? Tough call. His blue eyes narrow on me. “You walked away mid-scene,” he says, his voice like velvet, smooth, but with a bite that sends a shiver down my spine. “Just up and left me and Rowena when—”

“I walked in the room to find her crying.”

Oh, God.

Oh, God, no.

I glare at Mr. Luis. “You’re not supposed to say—”

“Full on tears,” he goes on, nodding his chin to Damien like they’ve been buddies for their entire lives. “I thought her laptop died, you know? Maybe she lost your entire journey with an accidental click of the keyboard.”

Damien is not a praying man but at the prospect of his book being lost forever, he crosses himself.

“And so, I rushed in,” Mr. Luis says, his hands mimicking my moment of doom, “prepared to do whatever the hell she needed. Athena was crying, Maria was crying. Then I asked her what happened, and she said, quote unquote—”

“Please don’t,” I whisper, pressing the heels of my palms to my eyes in mortification.

“I can’t make them come!”

At Mr. Luis’s imitation of my tear-stained voice, Saxon coughs abruptly, and he physically turns his back on the room. And then . . . and then his shoulders start shaking.

He’s laughing.

The jerk is actually laughing!

“It’s not funny,” I grumble, refusing to make eye contact with anyone because, really, can this get any worse?

“So then, I said,” Mr. Luis continues, because clearly, he is living for the moment, “they’re characters, Maria. Make them orgasm.”

Apparently, it can.

Guy’s hand pauses over Athena’s fur. “We aren’t characters, Michael.”

Mr. Luis’s dark eyes go wide before shooting a panicked glance my way. “Right. Right. Yeah”—he swallows—“not characters.” Behind the shield of his hand, he mouths, You haven’t broken the news to them yet?

No.

Because there is no right time to tell a trio of assassin-trained killers that they don’t actually exist. I mean, I’m impulsive, sure, but I don’t have a death wish. 

Squaring my shoulders, I face down Damien. “For the record,” I announce, attempting to eviscerate the tremor in my voice, “I was never abandoning you. I just needed a small break and decided to write the next scene first for you instead. That’s all.”

His mouth twitches. “You left me with blue balls.”

“A first for you,” I mutter, noting the way Mr. Luis sneaks out of the room, damage done, “because we both know you’ve gotten more sex in your book than any other book hero of mine—ever.”

Green eyes find me over a broad shoulder. “Wait,” Saxon grunts. “You let him and Rowena do it more than me and Isla?”

Someone just kill me now.

“It’s not . . .” Ignoring Damien’s smirk, I clear my throat. “Sometimes,” I try again, “it’s not about the quantity, right? It’s all about the qual—”

“If this is a trend,” Guy drawls, kicking his feet up on my coffee table, “then I approve.”

I blink. “What?”

His brows raise. “You let Damien do it more than Saxon—unfinished orgasm, notwithstanding—and since my book comes last—”

“Jesus,” Damien says under his breath, “the puns, brother. The puns.”

“—I’m going to assume I’ll have more than them both. The queen will be happy.”

“She hates your guts,” Saxon says.

“She hasn’t seen me at my most charming yet.”

“Because you don’t have charm,” Damien adds.

Guy’s blue eyes home in on my face. “Should I take offense?” he asks. “Do I ever become charming?”

Andddd, that’s my cue.

I step back.

Both Damien and Guy jump to their feet, expressions mirrored shades of panic.

“Wait,” Damien calls, “Maria, you can’t just leave me . . . I mean, you need to let me finish!”

“Am I going to be a total ass for the rest of my life?” Guy curses under his breath, looking at Athena as if he needs reassurance. “Is that what your mum is trying to tell me?”

Saxon only waves, looking like a smug bastard. And then, just before the door slam shuts behind me in my escape, I hear his gruff voice loud and clear: “For once, I’m so happy I came first. Pun absolutely intended.”

**Our interview was inspired by real-life events where I did, in fact, leave Damien & Rowena hanging with the promise to return to them on my next draft, and Mr. Luis did find me in tears over not being able to make them orgasm out of pure exhaustion.

***I did in fact shout that I couldn't make them come.

***Please enjoy this meme that Meghan P. made and left in Book Boyfriends Anonymous, in honor of poor Damien & Rowena.